The Bigger Picture: The value of genealogy

In the February 17, 2013 issue, Parade magazine contained a quiz, which was adapted from Bruce Feiler's book, The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More. The question asked:

When a team of psychologists measured children's resilience, they found that the kids who________ were best able to handle stress.

The choices were: A. Ate the same breakfast every day, B. Knew the most about their family's history, C. Played team sports, or D. Attended regular church services. The answer was B, with this explanation:

The more children know about their family's history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives and the higher their self-esteem. The reason: These children have a strong sense of 'intergenerational self' - they understand that they belong to something bigger than themselves, and that families naturally experience both highs and lows

This was exactly the revelation that I had after doing genealogy for a number of years: that we are a part of something bigger than ourselves (I even put it just that way; I was so original!) and that creates a sense of continuity, but also a responsibility to our ancestors for their sacrifices and hard work and to our descendants, knowing that our decisions determine the foundation of their lives. I am thrilled to see an acknowledgement of the value that it adds to our children's well-being. In addition to the psychological effects, most of the people I've met who have done research for many years said that it helped them to love history (of those who didn't before) because they could see their family's place within the context of historical events, as well as increasing the respect that the elders in our families feel knowing that their contributions and stories are appreciated. If you don't know your family history, start now and if your children are old enough, have them research with you. The skills they learn will help them in school and beyond.

Why a Feminist Mother plays Barbies with her Daughter...

Yes, I know, she's not anatomically correct. And she has lots of stuff, including clothes and beautiful long hair. Her not being anatomically correct could easily be seen as a physical "defect"(we all have them) and her pretty hair is then her best feature.

However, when the question of Barbies came up, I referred back to my own childhood. I had played Barbies and have been a feminist my entire adult life, so what harm could there really be? Although I realize that there were certainly other factors that brought about my own feminism. My daughter received a couple of Barbies as gifts when she was even too young to play with them. So I began my quest to properly outfit a Barbie collection, which proved to be quite easy! I found more than enough to fill up the playroom at thrift stores, yard sales, and swap meets. Ready for the complete Barbie lifestyle, I only had to wait until the request for a Barbie playdate was made.

When it did come and the Barbie town was set up, I saw that there was an opportunity here. My child was young and under my guidance and influence. I use it elsewhere, why not during play? So playing Barbies became a lesson in being a strong, independent, accomplished woman. Our Barbies were doctors, librarians, writers, professors, business owners. They went skiing, surfing, snowboarding, running, etc. They also attended the opera, poetry readings, DAR meetings, took educational classes and did volunteer work at their local library. I never made a big deal out of what my Barbie was wearing, except that it be practical for whatever activity they were doing. Their hair was brushed and styled, but with no more emphasis that we have in our own daily life. And though there was one Ken doll in the collection, he's a friend- there were never any weddings. Not that there's anything wrong with marriage, but that needn't be the focus of Barbie play.

Imaginative play is important for children, but parental involvement can and should guide our children. An occasional hands-on approach allows us to demonstrate to our children our values. Barbie's gender-cliché building ability can be tamed and redirected with much success...and plus, it's just fun!

Parents Taking Responsibility for Children's Eating Habits

I listened to an interview today on KPBS with Mark Bittman, the author of How to Cook Everything. The discussion was about the government controlling junk food advertising to kids. Mr. Bittman's concern was that it was not mandatory and that the industry would have about five years to even begin to reign in their direct marketing to children.

As a parent who has very consciously directed my child's eating habits, I disagree with the supposed power marketers have over kids. As I have been thinking about it, I have even been trying to figure out where these ads are...I have forgotten! I guess the majority must still be during children's programing on television. If that is the case, parents still have greater power. We control our children's television viewing habits. Parents can record programs and fast-forward through commercials. They can discuss with their children what advertising is about. It's to sell products and make money for those companies. And how do these companies market to children? Does this mean that we buy these products? No. Does this mean these products are good for us or in our best interest? No. I did this and FYI, kids are pretty smart. They can avoid simple manipulation like this if their parents take the time to inform them. Parents can show DVD's instead if you want to avoid the ads altogether, or some people will say just get rid of the tv!

After raising a child, I see that so much of the problem of junk food eating comes from the parents...what they are eating, buying, serving...have you ever seen the snacks served to kids during and after youth sports, scouts, and other clubs for kids?!! Not to mention what is being served at kids' parties! Look at what parents are sending in the lunches-not what is being served in the cafeteria, but what comes from home! How about snacks and treats sent to school for various reasons? The parents are sending these, not the junk food companies. I have also noticed that Valentine's Day card exchanges have turned into candy giving parties over the past few years! These are all the choices of the parents!

This isn't to say that all parents are junk food dealers, but really when this is the message most parents are sending through what we provide for "our" kids, what else do we expect them to want or ask for?? And I am neither a corporate stooge nor a hippie mom, just someone who has noticed that the influence is really coming from home and the parents. The power over food choices and especially junk food eating habits starts at home, as so many other things in our children's life. Let's take a little responsibility here.

My Favorite Picture Books for Children

I worked in our city library's Children's Dept. for four years. This coincided with my daughter's early childhood. Both factors introduced me to many wonderful picture books for children. My criteria for books was that they contained words that would build my daughter's vocabulary, they had great illustrations (beautiful or fun), and that they showed her different worlds. I always pre-read them, avoiding books with words like hate, stupid, or dumb and books that seemed "angry". The books on this list were ones that we read over and over again, and still read occasionally just for fun! I didn't include some of the classics, like Dr. Seuss because most people are aware of them.

1. Dahlia, Barbara McClintock
2. Henry David's House, Henry David Thoreau
3. Good Night, Good Knight, Shelley Thomas
4. Brambly Hedge Seasons series, Jill Barklem
5. Pirate Girl, Cornelia Funke
6. Mrs. Armitage and the Big Wave, Quentin Blake
7. Toot and Puddle series, Holly Hobbie
8. One Morning in Maine, Robert McCloskey
9. Blueberries for Sal, Robert McCloskey
10. My Hippie Grandmother, Reeve Lindbergh
11. The Ox-Cart Man, Donald Hall
12. The Philharmonic Gets Dressed, Karla Kuskin
13. Anna the Bookbinder, Andrea Cheng
14. Mei-Mei Loves the Morning, Margaret Tsubakiyama
15. The Snowy Day, Ezra Keats
16. The Twelve Days of Kindergarten: A Counting Book, Deborah Rose
17. Ms. MacDonald has a Class, Jan Omerod
18. Counting Crocodiles, Judy Sierra
19. I Could Do That!: Esther Morris gets Women the Vote, Linda White
20. Prince Cinders, Babette Cole
21. Princess Smartypants, Babette Cole
22. Leon & Bob, Simon James
23. Peter Spier's Rain, Peter Spier
24. Madlenka, Peter Sis
25. Chidi Only Likes Blue: An African book of Colours, Ifeoma Onyefulu
26. Olivia, Ian Falconer
27. Fantastic Daisy Artichoke, Quentin Blake
28. Lousia May & Mr. Thoreau's Flute, Julie Dunlap
29. Chester's Way, Kevin Henkes
30. Yoko's Paper Cranes, Rosemary Wells
31. Roberto the Insect Architect, Nina Laden
32. All Aboard, Mary Lyn Ray
33. Click, Clack, Moo Cows that Type, Doreen Cronin
34. The Gardener, Sarah Stewart
35. The Library, Sarah Stewart
36. Are we there yet?, Alison Lester
37. Stand tall Molly Lou Mellon, Patty Lovell
38. Ten Minutes till Bedtime, Peggy Rathmann
39. Diary of a Worm, Diary of a Spider, and Diary of a Fly, Doreen Cronin
40. The Way We Do It in Japan, Geneva Cobb Iijima

History fun in North County San Diego county!

As the librarian of the Carlsbad History Room, I belong to an organization called CINCH: Council Interpreting North County History. Every time I attend a meeting, I am amazed at the wonderful programs, museums, archives, and collections available to us in North San Diego county.

I've compiled a list of some of the organizations & museums in North County that are worth a visit and have great things to do with your children, family, and/or friends! Many are free or low cost to visit. There are many seasonal offerings, ways to volunteer, Boy & Girl Scouts opportunities, classes, camps, etc. For a more complete list, stop by the history room at the Cole Library for a Historic North County San Diego brochure. If you don't live in our area, there are sure to be many similar organizations, museums, etc. in your area.

In Carlsbad:
*Carlsbad Historical Society Museum, in Magee Park in North Carlsbad. Wonderful rose garden & afternoon tea (by appt.), in addition to the museum- http://www.carlsbadhistoricalsociety.com
*Barrio Museum, a wonderful small museum with great old photos! Open by appointment- Contact Ofie or Connie @ Lola's 7-Up Market & Deli @ 760-434-2191
*Craftsmanship Museum, new in La Costa- http://www.craftsmanshipmuseum.com
*Leo Carrillo Ranch Historic Park, off Melrose Ave. in La Costa- http://www.carlsbadca.gov/services/departments/parksandrec/parks-facilities/parks/Pages/leo-carrillo-ranch-main.aspx

Other North County offerings:
*Antique Gas & Steam Engine Museum, in Vista-really close if you live in NE La Costa. They offer classes on blacksmithing (this class has a waiting list & lots of girls sign up!), antique furniture restoration, weaving, etc.- http://www.agsem.com, and on Facebook: Antique Gas & Steam Engine Museum, Inc., on Twitter: @vistamuseum

*Fallbrook Gem & Mineral Society & Museum- http://www.fgms.org

*San Diego Archaeological Center, east of Wild Animal Park. They have a junior archaeology program! A current exhibit is about a man named Nate Harrison, an former slave who settled on Palomar Mt. His story is fascinating! (http://m.nctimes.com/mobile/article_65f3860f-de3a-56f9-892e-6fc059004307.html) - http://www.sandiegoarchaeology.org

*Poway Historical Society & Museum- http://www.powayhistoricalsociety.org

*Rancho Buena Vista Adobe- http://www.cityofvista.com/departments/parks/adobe.cfm

*San Dieguito Heritage Museum, near San Diego Botanic Garden (Quail Gardens) in Encinitas. They cover the history of Encinitas, Del Mar, RSF, Olivenhain, Solana Beach, Cardiff, and Leucadia- http://www.sdheritage.org/

*San Pasqual Battlefield, a historic state park also east of the Wild Animal Park. They offer living history activities once a month, June-October- http://www.parks.ca.gov/?page_id=655

*Rancho Guajome Adobe, in Vista- http://www.historyandculture.com/guajome

*Mission San Luis Rey, in Oceanside. They offer tours and lectures.- http://www.sanluisrey.org

Additionally, there are the Marron Adobe, in NE Carlsbad on Haymar Rd; and the Rancho Santa Margarita, on Camp Pendleton (open 3rd Wednesday @ 10am for tours).